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Welcome to the website of the
International Association of Fully Clothed Nudes, your home for all your
none-nude - clothing-restricted needs. We are so pleased that you have
taken time out from viewing naked people on naturist sites to pay us a quick
visit.
When I first founded IAFCN, I
heard the cry of suppressed nudists everywhere: “Iva,” they
cried, “Iva,
you must heed the aching needs of those of us who yearn to be nude! And yet
be fully clothed at all times!”
“Also,” they added, “you should
charge us very large sums of money to join.”
A long and potentially prosecutable
story short followed - but that’s where we are today—naked but robed;
fulfilled but delicate; proud but supremely stupid. The International
Association of Fully Clothed Nudes now boasts up to 160,000 members in over
eighty
nations, only one-third of which are not currently run by a warlord on the
Terror Watch List of the United States Government. We are growing,
always growing! And now we offer an official website, which as we all know
is the world’s one-way ticket to full societal legitimacy.
This little nudie home on the web
is just the first of many exciting projects we at IAFCN are eager to
launch. Keep checking back for further information on our attempts to found
World International Association of Fully Clothed Nudes Day, to be
celebrated by encouraging all of humanity to show their support for our
cause by wearing clothes. We’re also working on aligning with UAFCN, the
Universal Association of Fully Clothed Nudes, so as to pre-establish
friendly relations with naturalist extraterrestrials during and after
intergalactic invasion, should it occur. Our signature clothing line, “I
Am, Technically, Naked!” will soon appear on the clearance racks of Wal-Marts
across the United States. And don’t forget that we’re still looking for
composers for our Official Theme Song (current working title: “Think
Nude…Dress Nude…Be Nude…But Not Really.”)
All these salvos into the
mainstream are ever-closer steps to our ultimate goal: Fully accepted
nudism for those who are just too damn early to appear naked in public. And
to those who visit this site with a hostile sense of curiosity: Judge us
not. Fully Clothed Nudes are all around you. You may be one! Your
spouse may be one! I may be one! (But not bloody likely.)
I am proud to serve as your
founder…your conscience…your friend. It is with great humility that I claim
the title as the world’s leading expert in wearing clothes while naked. But
do not laden me with thanks, gentle Fully Clothed Nudes; laden me with
cash, piles and piles of cash.
Very, very truly yours,
Miss
Iva Bloomington, PRU, DE,
NUD,
EOK
Somewhere
in my obscenely appointed yacht on the Mediterranean
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